You have managed to find me amongst the endless torrents of ‘bloggers’, which allows me to suspect that we are already acquainted, or at least you are familiar enough with me that you would like to read on. But as I make my writing public for the first time, I wonder to myself, what do people want to know, what do they want to hear me say, and how can I be engaging enough to ensure that they don’t get bored and log onto their facebook accounts before reaching the end of the second paragraph? In-fact, as I try to decide on my starting point whilst sipping yet another cup of tea, a new question pops into my brain; one which as of yet I haven’t addressed, and one which appears to be a great place to begin… Why exactly am I doing this?
A blog, I have discovered, is ‘a frequent, chronological publication of personal thoughts and experiences’, and at this stage in my life, this public, organised, conscious and well thought out form of a personal diary, seems a perfect tool to improve my writing, and in aiding my private psychoanalysis! This is important as recently I have arrived at a metaphorical brick-wall; I’m a 22 year old university graduate, raised in a normal loving family based in Essex; active, enthusiastic, determined, a keen dramatist, an able sportswoman, and passionate traveller. But, despite my youth, it would appear as though I have arrived a little earlier than expected into my midlife crisis! My life goals and ambitions; which were once set in stone and I was heading towards nicely, have now become hazy and irresolute. The importance of my degree in Drama Studies and my childhood dream of becoming an actress has almost disappeared, and as I evaluate my passions I discover that despite my love of acting and devising drama, I also have a desire for other creative and high pressure careers such as writing, journalism, marketing, advertising and event coordination.
It all began in my final year of university when I met the man of my dreams! He is kind and giving, funny, intelligent, a traveller and a great cook. We share the same fundamental beliefs whilst being different enough to make the relationship exciting and a challenge. He is absolutely gorgeous, and a professional rugby player, which was certainly an impressive bonus! Within weeks of me finishing university, he was due to leave the country to begin a new contract with a French club, and despite being together no longer than seven months, there was never any question if I would go with him. I’ve never looked back and 17 months later were still here.
But this is the problem; I’m here! I live in a beautiful city on the coast, with great food and even better weather, with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, in a beautiful house and with two lovely dogs. I don’t work (due to my basic grasp of the French language rather than not wanting to), and I am supported in anything that I want to do.
So where is the problem? And you would be excused in believing that my life sounds somewhat idyllic after reading that back! But I guess the answer is a simple one. I have arrived at what I have always wanted for my middle ages far too young! I have bypassed the difficult years in which I was meant to be working all hours under the sun in order to afford the rent on the London flat that I share. I have missed the dating and the independence that comes before meeting ‘the one’, and I have sat for almost two years on my degree instead of getting into the working world… a world which has crept into a recession whilst I have had my eyes closed in France, and now I am realising a world which will be difficult to make my way into.
Don’t get me wrong, I love living here; I appreciate everything that I have been able to experience; I absolutely adore living with my partner and I would not change anything for the world! But it is now, as we are approaching the end of our time in France and planning to come back to the UK, that I am starting to think about my personal aspirations instead of living the life of my partner.
Over the last two years my life has taken a U-turn and I am unsure in which direction I should be heading, what I should be doing, what other people think I should be achieving, and most importantly… if there is any ‘should’ in life at all. The choices I make now are going to affect the outcome of the rest of my life and this is why my decisions are so important, so scary, why I am so confused, and why I have started writing this blog.
I want to explore my opinions, my aspirations, my hopes and dreams and my emotions, and I want to get back in touch with my creative aspirations and practice my writing, so that when I do return to England in the not so distant future, my journey is no longer at a brick wall, but on a path that excites my passions and enriches my life.
A blog, I have discovered, is ‘a frequent, chronological publication of personal thoughts and experiences’, and at this stage in my life, this public, organised, conscious and well thought out form of a personal diary, seems a perfect tool to improve my writing, and in aiding my private psychoanalysis! This is important as recently I have arrived at a metaphorical brick-wall; I’m a 22 year old university graduate, raised in a normal loving family based in Essex; active, enthusiastic, determined, a keen dramatist, an able sportswoman, and passionate traveller. But, despite my youth, it would appear as though I have arrived a little earlier than expected into my midlife crisis! My life goals and ambitions; which were once set in stone and I was heading towards nicely, have now become hazy and irresolute. The importance of my degree in Drama Studies and my childhood dream of becoming an actress has almost disappeared, and as I evaluate my passions I discover that despite my love of acting and devising drama, I also have a desire for other creative and high pressure careers such as writing, journalism, marketing, advertising and event coordination.
It all began in my final year of university when I met the man of my dreams! He is kind and giving, funny, intelligent, a traveller and a great cook. We share the same fundamental beliefs whilst being different enough to make the relationship exciting and a challenge. He is absolutely gorgeous, and a professional rugby player, which was certainly an impressive bonus! Within weeks of me finishing university, he was due to leave the country to begin a new contract with a French club, and despite being together no longer than seven months, there was never any question if I would go with him. I’ve never looked back and 17 months later were still here.
But this is the problem; I’m here! I live in a beautiful city on the coast, with great food and even better weather, with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, in a beautiful house and with two lovely dogs. I don’t work (due to my basic grasp of the French language rather than not wanting to), and I am supported in anything that I want to do.
So where is the problem? And you would be excused in believing that my life sounds somewhat idyllic after reading that back! But I guess the answer is a simple one. I have arrived at what I have always wanted for my middle ages far too young! I have bypassed the difficult years in which I was meant to be working all hours under the sun in order to afford the rent on the London flat that I share. I have missed the dating and the independence that comes before meeting ‘the one’, and I have sat for almost two years on my degree instead of getting into the working world… a world which has crept into a recession whilst I have had my eyes closed in France, and now I am realising a world which will be difficult to make my way into.
Don’t get me wrong, I love living here; I appreciate everything that I have been able to experience; I absolutely adore living with my partner and I would not change anything for the world! But it is now, as we are approaching the end of our time in France and planning to come back to the UK, that I am starting to think about my personal aspirations instead of living the life of my partner.
Over the last two years my life has taken a U-turn and I am unsure in which direction I should be heading, what I should be doing, what other people think I should be achieving, and most importantly… if there is any ‘should’ in life at all. The choices I make now are going to affect the outcome of the rest of my life and this is why my decisions are so important, so scary, why I am so confused, and why I have started writing this blog.
I want to explore my opinions, my aspirations, my hopes and dreams and my emotions, and I want to get back in touch with my creative aspirations and practice my writing, so that when I do return to England in the not so distant future, my journey is no longer at a brick wall, but on a path that excites my passions and enriches my life.
